I think we’ve all hit it in the last few weeks. The reason is obvious, and so is the timing. We’re coming up on a year of Covid and lockdown, we’re facing some of the worst weather that keeps us even from our fresh air and vitamin D, and we’re reaching the realisation that even this summer might not be enough time to give us the fragments of normalcy we hope to grasp for.
And yet it still feels like there’s more to it. I’ve heard it from so many people, friends in all countries, all situations. Those who have lost their jobs and those who are working away from home. Those who have already received their vaccines (jealous!) and those who have no idea if they’ll even be on the list this year (hello). Even friends in New Zealand, where post-Covid life looks almost the same as pre-Covid life with a few more QR code check-ins, have noticed it.
Some people have hit the wall sooner than others. Some are doing what they can to stave it off—I sleep well, drink lots of water, walk almost every day, and yet the wall is still in front of me, my toes still bashing against it when I move to take a step.
This piece by poet Donna Ashworth really resonated with me the other day:
I’ve been having trouble sending or responding to messages, whether in direct conversation or through releasing them into the world via this blog. My anxiety tells me people won’t understand, but I know we’re all in the same boat. And when the flood of words comes, we’ll accept them with open arms.
We must remember that we are not alone. Although of course I don’t want any friends or strangers to find themselves up against the same wall as me, it helps to know that it isn’t a personal wall; it’s not a barricade just wide enough to keep only me from moving ahead. A wall that is wide enough to hold us all back is a wall that has plenty of space for cracks and fissures if we know were to look for them. It helps to know that we can still knock it down together.
thebestpossibletime 
Just found your site Lauren and wow is this old lady proud of you! I remember you and Rachael playing together back in pre-school, then in humanities together all the way to HS graduation. You certainly have grown and broaden your horizons! The amount you have traveled is absolutely wonderful, maybe this wall is to give you some time to just breathe and let things “be” for a bit – or maybe it just really sucks that this pandemic thing happened, but it did prompt me to find you! I was looking up some of Rachael’s old friends trying to figure out something for her 30th – guess I won’t try and have her meet up with you – Ireland is a bit far even if that is where I know she really wants to go. Be well and keep on blogging, it’s the only one I’ve ever read- yes I am a dinosaur 🙂
Oh hi! How lovely to hear from you ❤ Yes, you're right—as horrible as everything going on is right now, certain aspects do force us to take a breath, take a step back, and look at things in a new light. That's a good reminder. I hope you—and Rachael! And the rest of the McQuiggans—are keeping well and healthy and I hope Rachael has a lovely 30th 🙂 Ireland is indeed a bit far but maybe some day when things are back to normal you'll find yourselves over here, I'd love to play tour guide 🙂
Take care x